QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH - JUNE

Each month you can “ask an expert” who will share her experiences and opinions.  Is there a question you want answered?  We’re sure you may have a few that others can benefit from as well.  So feel free to ask our experts by emailing us at experts@flexperienceforum.com.

To learn more about the experts, click on their names to see their bios.

Work-Life Balance

CATHERINE LEE Director, Sterling Stamos Catherine left her job at Stadium Capital Management in 2001 after having triplets, off-ramped for three years and then returned to work part-time at Sterling Stamos (responsible for firm’s private equity investments) from 2004 until 2006.  She is currently on sabbatical. Professional experience also includes being a senior consultant at Bain and Company, was a founding member of the Operations Research Group  at Delta Airlines, and a consultant at Booz Allen and Hamilton Received her MBA from Harvard and MS from M.I.T.

Q: How do you deal with guilt: a) guilt if your are lucky enough not to have to work and are at home, b) guilt if you are working and not at home with your kids, and c) guilt about having flex-time when others don’t?
I am Catholic, so guilt has been part of my upbringing.  I am trying really hard to eliminate it from my vocabulary and psyche.  As Moms we need to try to enjoy the moment and realize we are doing the best job we can both with our kids and our careers.  I think it is important to make your decision about whether to work/not work and then put your head down and do the best job you can.  Every six months or so, pull your head up and ask yourself if you and your family are happy with the current situation.  If the answer is no, then make a change.  If the answer is yes, then continue what you are doing and live your life with joy and gusto.

Q: How do you deal with the transition between work and home each day?  Is it hard to switch gears? 
This transition time after a long day at work has been the hardest part for me.  Initially, I found myself focusing on the mess of the house and all the things that needed to be done rather than spending quality time with my children.  I was so used to having things a certain way, and it was hard to give up control of the house/kids to another person.  I now try to take a really deep yoga breath when I walk in the door and ignore the household chaos until after the kids go to bed.

Q: How do you assure you spend quality time with your kids at the end of the day?  How about with your partner?
My three kids are usually bathed and have eaten dinner when I get home on working days.  I spend time with them doing their homework, hearing about their days and reading them a few books before they go to bed.  On my non-working days, I try to spend one-on-one time with each of them at least once a week.  This could be as simple as having them accompany me to the grocery store or Target.  This year, I also did a trip with each one of them.  They love and really look forward to these one on one times together.

My husband and I are both into triathlons, so we often do dates where we go on bike rides or runs together after work or on the weekends.  Once a year, we drop the kids off with their grandparents and take a big trip together without the kids.

Q: What are your expectations for your husband’s support?  What things has your husband done to be supportive of your work?
My husband has become more supportive over time of my work.  Initially he didn’t think anything needed to change in his schedule when I went back to work and it led to some tension around our house.  To his defense, I was not very good about communicating my frustration with the situation, but just felt very overwhelmed and tired.  After many discussions (and tears), we now have reached a balance.  He now realizes that me working means sacrifices for both of us.  He stays with the kids one or two mornings a week so I can do a morning workout before work.  He has also been more proactive about grocery shopping and is wonderful with all the household repairs.